I am often asked about strategies that parents can use to deal with the dynamics of families and catering to all the demands of running a family ie attending sport, school activities, sleepovers etc. Obviously things do get very busy in family life and sometimes it can appear that a considerable period of time has passed dealing with the usual logistics of cooking meals, housecleaning etc. This can produce the problem where families can get out of touch with each other.

Now that may not seem much of a problem, until something goes wrong, and then it becomes a problem! Sometimes the problem is small, like "I never said that you could use that! Its my special (something), that I keep for special occasions", or sometimes it can be "I never said thatl!", but the worse one is "Hello, my name is constable X, and we have your son/daughter here at the station…".

Of course, not all issues are problematic, but may simply be one of misunderstanding or confusion. One could say, a lack of communication.

All this is leading to a strategy that I often recommend to families - Family Meetings. Family Meetings are an opportunity to overcome break downs in communication, removal of confusion, clarification of ideas, the passing of knowledge (and perhaps a little wisdom) and an opportunity to establish attitudes, values and beliefs in our children.

Family Meetings sound rather bureaucratic, but they are actually a way of relating to our children in a loving and caring way, while still having that busy family life of school activities, sports, chores, meals and so on. I think the word "meeting" is where most people find problem and this is a good thing to clarify.

Family Meetings are actually the process of the family putting time aside in their busy lifestyles to spend some special time together. But the time can also have some pragmatic benefits too. The Family Meeting can be a time of setting up rules, reaching agreement on household policies, organising chores, planning holidays, giving out awards or for that matter, handing out sanctions.

Family Meetings can do a multitude of functions for a family. It is only limited by your imagination and the amount of time you have. And this brings me to time.

The frequency of a Family Meeting is important. Have them too often and they become a chore and lose their impact. Have them too infrequently and again they lose their impact. So balance is important. Equally, the purpose of the meeting is important. If Family Meetings are used to beat up on the kids, lay down draconian laws, and remove privileges, then it's a safe bet that attendance will only be obtained by dragging the kids at gun point! So there must be balance in the content of the meeting as well.

Having said that, Family Meetings can be fun, rewarding, entertaining and more importantly the opportunity for a family to get in touch with each other. It's a nice way to relate to each other and keep regular contact and works for young kids and older kids.

And this brings me to how to run the meetings according to the ages of your children. For example, if the children are young, then issues concerning the issuances of rewards for good behaviour (plus the handing out of prizes) can be a fun time, showing recognition (something we all like) and encouraging values of support, loving and kinship can be encouraged. If the children are older, then recognition matters are still important, but in addition, the time can be used for addressing problems at school, giving support, showing leadership, sympathy and empathy. It can also be a good time to plan family activities such as picnics, holidays, sleepovers etc. Generally it can be a good time for all.

There are some common times for when Family Meetings can be held. Dinner time is a good time. Attendance is usually good, especially if one of the parents is a good cook! And it is a good way to issue edicts, delivers praise and have general discussion, all the time enjoying a nice meal and getting that family bonding process going which is so important.

Generally speaking, Family Meetings are a good thing to schedule into the family routine because they allow us to relate to our children, bond with them, encourage their development of values, attitudes and beliefs, and teach skills and problem solve issues that often confront us. Although, not a complete fixit in itself, the Family Meeting has much to offer, and is a very useful tool for the modern family of today.