Children and Socialisation

There is a very important process which psychologists and sociologists have identified in human development that allows us humans to co-operate in a meaningful way so that we can create that phenomena called civilisation.  This process shapes human development and is responsible for the interactions between all humans of all ages in all societies.  This process is called Socialisation. 

Socialisation Is What It Sounds.  This process teaches our children how to behave.  It teaches them what is right and what is wrong, and it even shapes the way they think.  Socialisation is taught by all of us in society.  And it comes in many guises.

Let me give you an example of socialisation.  Think about the last time your child asked you for something, be it a drink or a lolly or whatever.  Before you complied with their wish, did you respond with the word "please"?  That is, you wanted them to preface their request with the word please.  Sounds reasonable doesn't it?  After all, we like our children to be well mannered, and it is only good manners to use the word please.  But in reality, you have just been socialising your child!

Yes that is right!  You have been socialising your child on how to react in our society in a proper and effective manner!  Of course, some of you might say this is quite reasonable, and what has this to do with socialisation (it is a big word isn't it)?  Well, let's think about.  Does the word "please" clarify the request anymore?  Does the word "please" make the request easier to understand?  Does the word "please" actually add any value to the request?  And of course the real answer is - no, the word "please" does not make any real significant contribution to the request by the child.  But, what it does do is make the request more palatable to the listener!  In other words it makes you feel better!

Good manners is an example of socialisation and how it works.  In fact, if you look around we will see many examples of how we as parents carry out the socialisation process for society.  So why are we discussing this?  Well the reason is, how we socialise our children and what we socialise our  children about actually makes up what society is about!  Yes, that is right!  We parents are the single most powerful influential factor in the development of society.

Of course, how we socialise our children is influenced by how we were socialised ourselves and the role of our value systems and our belief systems.  If you believe in physical force as a justifiable approach to a wide variety of situations, then you will tend to socialise your children to fit this role as well.  This is fine if it fits in with the society you live in.  However, in Australian society in many instances, such an approach is quite unacceptable and evokes sanctions from society (such as jail).

Obviously, because society is large and complex, so too is the socialisation process.  And it is here that we have some room to manoeuvre (and the purpose of this article).

We all have differing views on issues within society, whether it is abortion, breast-feeding, guns, homosexuality or politicians - we will all have different opinions.  And to some extent, society can tolerate this variety.  Where there is a problem is when we, as parents, through our anger or frustration with society, socialise our children to be different, conflicting, rebelling, anti or whatever.  What we are doing is actually teaching them NOT to fit in.  And herein lies the problem, because when our children do not fit in with society, or their little segment of society (such as the school or childcare), we actually create problems for them.

Essentially, what I am saying is we cannot naively take the role of parenting our children as we see fit.  We actually have to parents our children so that they can fit in within the society they live in a productive and satisfying manner so that they gain success (in whatever way you see that) in that society.  So we as parents need to ask ourselves not only what do we want for our children, but what can we do to maximise the success and quality of life of our children in the society that they are going to live in.

And to add even greater complication to all.  We as parents need to ask ourselves what do we see in society that needs changing, that we need to begin with by changing the way we socialise our children.

Think about how you raise your children, and think about the consequences of your actions for your children later in their life.  Their quality of life is in your hands.

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