Going to School

One of the toughest jobs that befalls a parent in their eternal life of love and adoration of their children is sending them to their first day of school.  This is the task that they make movies about and worse, we hear horror stories about.  Or  worse still, we hear lots of jokes about!  But the first day at school can be a very exciting and enjoyable time.  It can be a time of new things, meeting new friends, learning exciting new fun things to do and more importantly being part of a very important growing process.

Most parents are good at getting the uniforms, school bag and exercise books ready, but few focus on what is going to be a major lifestyle change for a small person.  Whether school is a good or bad experience for your children, depends on many things, but what you, their parents do before they get to that first day at school can be just as important.  In other words it is just as important to psychologically prepare your children for school, as well as get their uniforms and enroll them.

So what should you do to psychologically prepare your children for school?  Well the most important thing is look at how you talk to them about school.  As the school year approaches you will be talking more and more about school, as you focus on what needs to be done.  Make sure you talk to them about it in a positive and encouraging manner.  Obviously! You say.  But not everyone does this.

Children at school age have very good listening skills.  In fact, one could say that they are like mental blotting paper, they absorb everything they see and hear.  And then they use this information for formulate opinions and reactions.

If you are using words that indicate that you are happy and excited about school then your children will be too.  But if we are using words or a tone in our voice such as “you wait until you get to school, they’ll soon sort you out”, then we are creating an expectation of fear in our child.  So you need to be positive and encouraging when you talk about what is going to happen at school.

Also, remember that your school experiences may not necessarily be their experiences.  Lots has changed at school these days and on the whole it can be a very pleasant learning experience.  So watch your attitude at this time, particularly if you own school experiences have been unpleasant.  Children, who have never been to school, do not know what to expect and so they will form ideas based on what you tell them, and more importantly, how you tell them.

I should say her that those parents who have sent their children to a crèche have already done a lot of the hard work.  Their child is used to not seeing mum or dad through the day, and is used to coping with other children and following instructions from other adults.  I am not advocating the use of crèches just recognizing that in today’s modern and “improved” society, often both parents have to work in order to maintain a standard to living.  The single income family is no longer a position of choice, but rather an outcome of lack of employment.

But lets get back to psychologically preparing our children for school.  Firstly. Make sure that all of your remarks about school are positive ones.  Do not use school as representative of fear or intimidation.  The subtle use of language is very important, “Gee you sure a lucky person to be big enough to be able to go to school”, or “You wait until you go to school, you will have so much fun!”.  Believe me, for kids this is subtle!

It is often a good idea to take your child to school to visit well before they are due to start school.  You can get staff to show both of you around.  It might even help to make you feel better too!  Often when the child is in preschool, a visit to the “big” school is on the agenda and this is a really good step.  But you can reinforce this by paying visit with you child yourself.  Remember, the more familiar a thing is the less intimidating it is (this works well for adults as well).

Older brothers or sisters are also very important.  Their comments regarding school will have a strong influence on the newcomer, so it is important to clue up the older siblings on what opinions you would appreciate them expressing to their younger brother or sister.  Everyone can join in on the game.

Also, once school is underway, we need to remember that school is very taxing and tiring.  Fatigue is a battle for little bodies and you child will need some nourishment as soon as they get back from school.  Don’t be conned by tv ads that suggest chocolate won’t hurt them – its not a food, and when their blood sugar is low, they need food, not chocolate!  Have something wholesome for them to eat ready for when they get home.  And remember that they will be tired, so take it easy on them until they get used to the new routine.

Sometimes, children find the first few weeks pretty stressful.  So, be alert for acting out behaviour and do not misjudge it.  Sometimes the kids are a little delicate and will tend to over react or blow things out of proportion.  May sure that you do not over react in turn.  It takes two to have a fight.  They are mostly looking for your support, but simply do not know how to ask for it (this works well for adults too).

Of course I should mention that the child is not the only person who is going to need some psychological adjustment.  Separation Anxiety is a much bandied expression, but I suspect that it applies to the parents more than the children!  We all feel a sense of loss when the child goes to school - the baby has grown up!  But that is the nature of life and our job as parents is to be flexible and adapt to change.  So this means we are moving into the next phase of our child’s development, and it is important that we are there when it happens.

Once at school, your child will be subjected to a phenomenon called Peer Pressure.  This is where the fabric of society is created (see my earlier article on Socialisation) and your child will begin to adopt values and beliefs that are not from you!  Some of the changes you will be happy about, and some you will not.  The secret of success is to go with the flow.  The best way to stop a speeding cricket ball from hitting you is to divert it to one side.  Stopping it with your nose is not your best option.  So, be patient with the new ideas that they will come home with.  If you need to change some things – be subtle.  Remember, we all laugh when we observe our child say yes by putting their hand up!  Of course, we just accept it.

So, going to school can be a real fun time if us parents focus on some key factors in the equation – being positive, thinking ahead and going with the flow.  We may be losing our baby, but we are gaining the wealth of walking with our children as they grow up.

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