Mealtime (Part 2)

In my last article I wrote about the difficulties at Mealtime. I discussed the need to have a good environment at mealtime, and the need to have an awareness about not creating problems at mealtime due to enthusiasm, tension, stress or fatigue. I also promised to discuss some strategies in my next article about ways to encourage the child to eat better (sorry to make you wait so long for the next article).

The first thing is to determine what kind of diet you want your children to have. This should be based upon what is realistic. Also, if you want your child to eat good, wholesome food, then plan on making sure that you eat it as well – no deviations. Children are very good at seeing double standards.

Make sure that the kind of diet you want for you and the family is a practical one. Life is busy enough as it is without having extra work making meals that require a lot of preparation and exotic ingredients.  Also, be aware that your child may have a palate that does not like exotic foods or plain foods for that matter. This means that it’s a matter of judgement as to whether their objection to the meal is because they are being difficult or simply because they cannot cope with it. So, try not to be too confrontational.

Lets talk about the child who simply refuses to eat at the table, yet up to getting to the table, was just fine.  There can be a range of reasons for this behaviour, and I have discussed a number of them in my last article. The more important thing is - what to do? First, make sure there are no physical problems ie dental problems, indigestion, illness and so on. If your child does not normally play up at meal times, look for an outside reason, and don’t worry if they miss out on a meal once in a blue moon. But if this not the problem, then look at the dynamics of what is happening at meal time. Are you being confrontational, or getting worked up in anticipation of the drama ahead? Is someone nagging the kids or getting on their backs leading up to meal time? Are you tired?

Sometimes we can actually create the meal time drama ourselves by approaching the time all worked up and stressed out. The kids are usually fine, but respond to us and our mood!

But lets talk about strategies. One strategy is to change the routine. Make it a bit lighter and perhaps put dinner on at a different time. Take the drama out of acid hour (meal time). Make the time interesting and a bit more light hearted. Don’t be a stickler for “you have to eat everything on your plate!”. Try and get them to eat something, and then praise them for this (more in this later).

Another technique is to simply have no junk food, sweats etc in the house.  That way this kind of food is simply not available, and that way it cannot be begged or pleaded for, and you are not tempted to give in for the sake of peace!

Don’t forget that children do not have the energy storage capability of adults. This means they run out of energy sooner and often need topping up between major meal times. A common example of this is when the kids get home from school and they are ratty and bouncing off the walls. Give them something to eat and within minutes they are calming down and becoming children! And this is a problem because dinner is usually just around the corner.

In many articles in the past I have spoken about how powerful the effect of Positive Reinforcement is. That is when you praise your child for doing something right. In this context it is very important to praise your child for being good at the table, for trying to eat, or for making more progress than last time. Do not lament to them how frustrated you are with them not eating. Do not beat up on them verbally about how important it is for them to eat so that they can grow up properly – this is not as important to them as it is to you. Children do not think like adults.

A child’s attitude to food can be influenced. Saying things in front of your child, but not at them, can often influence their decision making regarding food. Discussing your favourite food with your partner, and describing how yummy certain foods or meals are, can subtly encourage the child to want to try this wonderful and exotic food stuff – even if its also known as meat and 3 vegs!  The power of suggestion works, but you must be patient.

In fact, patience is very important in all of this process. Do not expect lightning results – it takes time and consistency on your behalf, before you get results.

One final thing. Don’t forget the opposition – fast food as advertised on TV! According to the adverts its all good for you, tastes great, all the family likes it and it will not make you fat, because all the people in the advertisement are skinny! Plus all the kids at school eat it!

Your children see these adverts just like you! So, why should they eat the food you make when they can just buy it. Besides you don’t put as much sugar or fat in your food so it does not taste as good as the fast food option. So, you have to redirect your child. Do some research and find out what favourite foods they have and offer them as an alternative. Tell them why good wholesome food is important in their diet, but don’t tell them this at mealtime, rather at other times in the day so that you can counter the effect upon your children of the multinational advertising dollar.

Finally, take a long term view. If your child has bad eating patterns – it will take some time to change them. Do not get disappointed because they have not improved after 2 weeks. Plan you method of approach and discuss it with your partner to get some consistency between the two of you. Be patient. It is unlikely that your child is in danger of dying of malnutrition.

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