Personality Disorder

One of the clinical conditions that psychologists often have to deal with in the general population is the patient who has a Personality Disorder.  This condition comes in varying degrees from mild to very severe and can vary in intensity over the lifetime of the patient.

Psychologists have found the condition of Personality Disorder to be a very complex one and have divided it into several subsets of personality disorder.  The most commonly known subset is the Histrionic Personality Disorder.  The word Histrionic has a social stigma attached to It that is well-known to many of us. Unfortunately, in the past (50 years ago) this particular condition was misdiagnosed considerably as a means of explaining why certain female patients did not respond to medical intervention.  The most common example of this is what we now know as postnatal depression.

However, rather than give you a complicated and technical description of a Personality Disorder (PD), let me summarise, in broad terms, some of the typical characteristics of a person who suffers this condition.  Patients with a PD often react in a dysfunctional way to stress.  They are particularly susceptible to emotional pressure, and often misjudge, or overreact, to social situations.  To give an example, severe examples of PD's are very self-critical, assume that they are being watched by everyone, take all matters quite personally, have a need to be the constant centre of attention, and seem to be professional drama queens.  While not liking social attention they also crave it.  And when under pressure these symptoms become more manifest.

I should warn you that at some point in our lives we all will probably meet these descriptions, however, for the person with the PD, this process is happening 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  Also, don't forget that I'm giving you a very simplistic description, and thereby leaving out a lot of important detail (I just don't have the space here).

Personality Disorder patients often suffer significant bouts of depression, are often anxious, have low self-esteem and self-worth, and are often focused on immediate self gratification.  They are prone to be impulsive and they have a tendency to make emotionally based decisions rather than logic based decisions.

In relationships the PD is often demanding, difficult, never satisfied, and conversely at the same time they are dependent, vulnerable and helpless.  In relationships this kind of person is often what we call high maintenance.  Interestingly, they are usually very sexual, and that sexuality can be quite provocative.

By now most of you reading this will have diagnosed half your friends (and partners) as suffering from this terrible affliction.  But I need to point out that a Personality Disorder is when the person is dysfunctional with the condition.  Whereas, I am sure that most of your friends (and even your partners) are probably quite functional despite having one of two of these characteristics.

So, why am I raising this particular issue?  Well, to answer this question I need to discuss the causes for Personality Disorder.  Interestingly, we understand quite well the most common cause for the development of Personality Disorder.  Specifically, the most common cause for the development of the various types of Personality Disorder in adults starts right back in their early childhood experiences.

Most personality disorders are developed during childhood as a result of the child not being loved sufficiently by his or her parent(s).

Yes, it is a scary concept.  Yet, almost without exception, every patient that I have seen who suffers from a Personality Disorder has a history of childhood dysfunctionality where the most predominant feature is the lack of love and bonding between the child and one or both parents!

Unfortunately, it is as simple as that!  Children who are not loved properly, and fully, are prone to develop this or other related psychological conditions.

It is interesting to know that the Personality Disorder develops as a defence mechanism to assist the child to cope with the situation of being unloved, and in this regard it is a somewhat functional mechanism, but it is not efficient because even though it helps the child cope, it does not solve the problem.  However, over time, as the child grows, becomes an adult, and the childhood environment is long gone, one would expect that things would get better, but unfortunately the Personality Disorder remains.  Worse, the person then becomes very vulnerable to all the emotional stresses strains of adult life because of the existence of the Personality Disorder.

Unfortunately, this condition is very difficult to treat and it often resists the effect of therapy, and for that matter, medication.

So, why am my writing about this topic?

The answer is obvious.  To quote an old proverb, an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. We as parents have a direct bearing on the psychological development of our children.  Of course, it is very intense, and demanding, to try and look after every single minute detail of child development and the associated parenting.  So, I am going to suggest an effective way of ensuring that your child does not develop this very unpleasant (for the person) condition, that is easy and straightforward.

Essentially, Personality Disorders develop as a result of insufficient or lack of, proper love and bonding between parent and child.  So the solution to the problem is really quite easy.  Your job as a parent is simply to provide your child with all the various forms of love we have available to us.  That means love and affection, love and caring, love and discipline, love and forgiveness, love and understanding and so on.

Loving your child is an emotional commitment that is not only easy to make that is also very easy to carry out.  The problem is in our busy lifestyles with all the pressures of life, we often forget just how easy it is.

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