CONFLICT RESOLUTION

Introduction

Conflict resolution is a process that has gained more attention in recent years as the nature of work has changed. Legislation and social change have brought about different demands and requirements upon people at work, in the context of how they work together. Productivity and job satisfaction are also affected by how people get on in the work place.

Unfortunately, some people do not get along at the workplace. This “not getting on” can vary in degree and occasionally can bring about conflict between staff. Even more unfortunately, due to difficulties in employment these days, its not an option to just leave the job and get another so what has come about is the need for resolution of conflict as it occurs.

This is what we are talking about today

Now for the sake of removing confusion, lets look at the types of conflict that can occur.

Types of Conflict

There are many types of conflict that we experience, some of them are obvious and some of them are subtle. How they affect us is determined by us. That is, what kind of people we are, what we will tolerate and what we will not. This means that what is an issue for one person may not necessarily be an issue for another. Here are some examples of the kinds of conflicts we experience from time to time.

Physical Aggression

This is an obvious kind of conflict that we are all knowledgeable about, in fact we see it on tv all the time. This is often the final step in conflict and occurs when all types of intervention have failed and the issue is highly charged and has been ongoing for some time. If you are not sure what is physical violence, just look at the news on tv.

Mental or Psychological abuse

This is subtle. Mental abuse can range from torture to teasing. How it affects you is very much dependent upon the kind of person you are and the kinds of values and beliefs that you hold and the circumstances of the situation. For example. listening to the radio can be annoying or it can be a pleasant distraction. If you find it annoying and you are unable to have the radio turned off at work, then over time this issue is going to change from tease and annoyance to torture!

Psychological tensions can be very subtle, but easily build up over time to become problems. So this means that issues left unresolved become very demanding and consume resources and energy beyond what one would normally expect.

Territoriality

This is when someone imposes upon your territory, what ever that may be. This imposition may be physical or psychological. The territory may be at home, with friends, or at work. It may be work related or it may be a social imposition at work.

For example, think of the situation when someone takes over one of your functions within your work, when it was not discussed or agreed by you. This can be quite an issue for some people as they feel that they are losing control or are being sidelined. The issue of perception occurs here, because in this example, its a problem if the person affected sees it as the thin edge of the wedge and that they are being side lined, or it can be seen as a relief because they have so much work on in the first place!

Territoriality is the most common reason that conflicts occur at work. When you think about how we maintain all the territories in our lives it is hardly surprising that we sometimes come into conflict with others.

By territory I mean, that we own our family, we own our jobs, we own our personal space, we own our emotional reactions and opinions, and we protect those things. Its a space we take up. When people say or do things that impinge upon that space, we become affronted and we react. The extent of that reaction depends on the territory, that nature of the impingement and the kind of person we are.

WHY DOES CONFLICT OCCUR?

Obviously, there are lots of reasons why conflict occurs. What is interesting is that there are patterns about conflict and these patterns can be seen more readily when we are aware of certain factors. Lets look at some of these factors:

STRESS

We all suffer stress, but there are times in our lives when that stress becomes overwhelming. We are trying to deal with it as best as possible, of course, but it is still having an adverse effect upon us. Sometimes we become moody or unresponsive. Often we lose our tolerance for others and find ourselves getting irritated with minor issues. We get tetchy.

When we are under pressure we sometimes do and say things, that upon reflection, we would not have done. This can often be because the stress we are under affects our judgment.

Specifically, it affects the frontal lobe of our brain where we make moral decisions and consider the consequences of our actions. Stress can interfere with the normal functioning of the frontal lobe and thus impair some of our judgments.

So, when under stress we can say silly things, misunderstand what we see or hear, or feel overwhelmed by something. At the time we do not often realise that we are doing this, it just becomes apparent later, at which point we usually become quite embarrassed.

EMOTIONALITY

Everyone has emotions. They add colour to our lives. They can be warm, wonderful and reassuring. Unfortunately, they can sometimes have a life of their own, and this can result in us exhibiting behaviour that we later regret. Losing one's temper is a good example of this.

When people lose their temper, they say and do things that they often deeply regret. They can do this for a range of reasons. They are depressed, they feel intimidated or anxious. Or they are under the influence of alcohol or drugs. Occasionally they come to the attention of the authorities.

HOW TO SEE THE SIGNS

We often don't see the signs that others give us to indicate that they are not happy. This is partly due to the fact that the other person is trying to behave “normally” and partly due to the fact that we are not looking. Yet when you think about it, we are walking beacons of broadcasting information.

Interestingly, today's face recognition software actually relies on this to look for features of persons and patterns in their behaviour. Cameras used for picking up shop lifters in large stores in countries such as America and Europe, are often run by computer, with the computer program designed to look for behavioural patterns, to determine likely shoplifters, which is then directed to the human attendant for closer scrutiny.

There is computer software, via the use of a camera, that can tell if you are lying, based on the expressions on your face and the characteristics of your skin and blood vessels.

So we broadcast information all the time, its just that often the case is that we, as listeners, ignore such broadcasts, and this is where we can get the development of conflicts.

RECOGNISE THE SIGNS

We give out signs all the time. It might be a flushed face, or an embarrassed look, or an agitated manner. It could be lack of reaction, or an inappropriate reaction for the situation. The person could be nervous or apprehensive. Either way the signs are there. All you have to do is have an open mind and look at what is being presented to you.

For example, you don t have to be a psychologist to judge how the other person is reacting, or likely to be feeling. Its simple, just put yourself in their place and see how you would be feeling and reacting.

Often people give out physical signs when they are stressed or upset. They may have a red flush to their face, have pupil dilation, sweat, agitation in their manner, have rapid speech or have a sallow or vacant look. Read the signs and trust your feelings on what you see.

TECHNIQUES IN DEALING WITH CONFLICT

We will deal with techniques in more detail in the next section, “Dealing with Difficult People”, but we can summarise some points here:

: stay calm - getting upset yourself makes it worse.

: try & identify the problem

: a soothing voice works best

: be patient

: be vigilant & see it coming

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